I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Randomize
