His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
