so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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