Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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