The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
