can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
