You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize