You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Randomize
