I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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