Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
You need a sexual gate keeper
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
