I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
