I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
