The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
