Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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