Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
