According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize