I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
