Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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