I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
