After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Come see our sink grown plant.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
