I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
