I'm going to jail i love you
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
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