brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
