Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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