dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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