phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
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