I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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