I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
