you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
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