The beer is more important than you right now.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
