Just cropdusted the office
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Randomize
