My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
