My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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