Define "chronic" masturbator.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
