Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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