Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
