At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Randomize
