i just made my gag reflex go away.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
