he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
