We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
