The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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