JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
