Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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