No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
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