Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
