So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
