oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Randomize
