i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
