Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Vodka?
Forever.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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