you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Randomize
