it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
