so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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