Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
