well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I feel like a drive thru vagina
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
