I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
