it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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