Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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