Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
i think my cat just said my name.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
