Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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