Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
