PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
