i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
