the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
