He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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