My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Randomize
