Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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