Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize