My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Randomize
