This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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