So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
