You can't motorboat a personality
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
