you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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