Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I wear drunk well.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
