that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
