feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
