Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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