So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
