stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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