I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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