I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Floor bacon is actually really good
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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