Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
