No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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